Face to the mirror, I think I can see myself clearly. But the truth is the world in the mirror is completely reversal, I still see nothing.

Today I talked with someone about my signature, he asked me why I always like to make something so hard to understand. Actually, even myself can't know me well, how can others do? I may nit be what I think I am because I never want to take that kind of  responsibility.It is so tired.

I still remember the day I met Frances, it was my first moon festival in London.She always like my older sister who takes care of me in these three months. I don't konw why, it is not until she go back home to USA can I understand how much I depend on her. She will have a wonderful experience when she study in Paris several weeks later but now I need to think about my life here in London without her. I think the reason she is so important to me is she has successfully relaimed my sense of belongings. She always push me into some thing I never think about before. I don't fully understand but I really enjoyed only becase I believe her. These two days with her before she leave mean so much to me, as now in my room, I still feel she is here with me, just sit on the chair beside. The connection between people is something we could never fully understand, nor easily manage and only by distance between each other can we sense it more clearly.

I hate to say goodbye but I always need to do, I  want to stay together with those important to me but I can't care more about them. Maybe it is the distance from my body and heart, the choice between struggling or satisfying. Finaly I konw, no matter what I choose, I will loss something and my choice will be judged by others but not myself.

What can I do now? Be a better one in my own conception or remain the same? If I could't define something is good or bad, how can I make a final decision and insist on it? Maybe the only thing I can do is doing  things naturally and waiting for the judgement. At least when the next time we meet, I 'll never make her worry about me anymore.

      可能是昨天晚上电影看得飘忽忽就睡觉的缘故,今天清早突然惊醒,发现手机在手里,吓了一跳.一回味,想起来梦里面在发新年祝福,还约了周末聚会.用的是与国内通信的手机,收件人都在几千公里以外的地方.恍恍惚惚打电话询问,怕自己还在梦里.莫名恐慌,起了个大早.然后抱起圣经一口气读了两章,还把诗歌放来听,本命年的第一天,有惊无险.匆匆给心理学的哥们发个邮件,等待审查.

      虽然在这里的日子很开心,有如鱼得水的感觉. 把自己的一切安排得再好,还是掩盖不了想要依靠的妄想吧. 起得早,看看智能住宅的书,有把家里改造改造的冲动.睡不着,上线看看,人还真多.上班的人啊,都是这么尽职尽责地无所是事呢(这是个人看法,我觉得我就是这么上班的). 随便聊聊,自己不觉得,跟朋友描述的时候才发现,和过去已经有距离了,至少有所改善.虽然这么说,心里还是有点闷.一大早Frances说要过来陪我了,开心得不得了. 来了这边以后有这么一个姐姐一直照顾着,是主给我的恩赐.如果只有我自己的,真的会疯掉的.可惜她那么快要去法国,唉~~~~~~能多点时间在一起的话就好了.

     我觉得昨晚的暂时神经错乱是给我的新年礼物,让我停下来想想过去,跟朋友多点沟通,知道有很多人关心我,很幸福.如果这是什么征兆的话,是个好彩头呢.说起来我得一改以前不务正业的形象, 多多学习,特别是可以把家打包搬走的好方法, 为环球旅行做准备罗~~~